


Sleeping With the Enemy.  1/1.

by punky_96, Ragelikeafire



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Crack, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/pseuds/punky_96, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragelikeafire/pseuds/Ragelikeafire
Summary: Re-post from LJ.  Crack fic from YSOSRSMIRANDA fic community with references to CAPSLOCKY!TUESDAY aka CLT.Emily finds out about MirAndy and isn't too happy.





	Sleeping With the Enemy.  1/1.

**Title** : Sleeping With The Enemy  
**Authors** : punky_96/ragelikeafire  
**Pairing:**  Andy, Miranda, Emily, Nigel  
**Rating** : PG-13  
**Summary** : CRACK: Emily finds out and reacts.  
**Disclaimer** : at our LJ/DW pages  
  
_**A/N:**  Do you remember where this started? It was before CLT… However on CLT we went for it, I think… _ _[link no longer working]_ _Thanks to Blackinkfinity and Pdt_bear for playing our reindeer games as well :)_  
  
**RAGE** : I can’t believe you picked up the sleeping with the enemy prompt!?! I know you did it to make me behave and focus on CP&D…  
  
**PUNK:**  Well. CP & D is the main course surely… But one must have side dishes, snacks, and the occasional… Dessert, I mean crack…  
  
**RAGE** : Crack crème brulées? Crack soufflé? Crackoffee Pie?  
  
**PUNK** : Oh plz!!! My face hurts from da smilez… crack on a cracker… crack with jam (not jelly like us yanks)… crack for the party… crack for the win… so… it doesn’t quite rhyme… but it’s crack!!!  
  
**RAGE** : Crack is whack! Rage and Punk is bringing it back. Crack is whack!  
  
**RAGE** : What do you think? Future as a rapper? Wha? No? Gets coats and leaves.  
  
**PUNK** : OMG. That sounds like a double dutch jump rope song in my head!!! That’s srs funnai biznezz right thurrr!!!! 

 

  
  
**Sleeping With the Enemy**  
  
     Her morning routine had become a tired blur that Emily robotically followed through: magazines on desk, Pellegrino poured, and newspapers ready. Newspapers ready? The phone ringing could break her waking walking zone and the occasional news headline could as well. Today an unexpected headline broke into her subconscious and Emily could not believe her eyes as she took a second look at the morning papers. All Miranda-minions developed an empathic sense of each other; it was actually one of the most upsetting parts of the job. As a result of this link Nigel heard Emily’s screams from the floor below and came running. Although Nigel didn’t really run. He sort of glided. He was quick nonetheless.  
  
     “What?” He said calmly from the doorway. He did not see any blood or bodies of ex-husbands so he wasn’t sure exactly what had spooked the Brit or why he had dragged himself away from his work.  
  
     Narrowing his eyes Nigel assessed the situation. Emily was standing slack-jawed on the Miranda side of the desk, she looked like she had gotten dressed in the dark and worse still the clothes appeared to be off-the-rack. He checked his watch, knowing that the clock was ticking. He somehow had to find the root of the problem, shake her out of her stupefied state, and get her ready to greet Miranda at the elevator in less than three minutes. He watched in disdain as Emily’s jaw began to move before sound came out, but he was relieved that she was going to spit out the problem quickly.   
  
     “She’s!!!” Emily began to wail. Emily rolled her eyes in such a way that her disgust went down her throat and into her stomach causing her whole body to shake with revulsion. She firmly placed her hands on the desk and took a deep breath. “But that can’t be?!?!” Emily grabbed the paper off the desk and fairly ripped it apart as she turned it around to show Nigel.

  
  
_Page 6: The Dragonlady takes in wayward child. Andrea Sachs former assistant to Dominatrix Priestly moves in! Who knew? Boys and Girls, that the Dragonlady had a heart? Let alone was in a relationship? Who still has it after three divorces and countless scandals? That’s right—Miranda Priestly the woman thousands of girls… Want? To think I would have just been happy with a job groveling at her feet. I think there is a new power player in the Priestly house. You have to admit that the girl who would slay the dragon would have to have a pretty powerful sense of ambition. I for one can’t wait to see how the situation unfolds…_

 

  
     “Oh…” Nigel said trailing off. He knew and he knew Emily didn’t know. He also knew it would kill her to find out. But he didn’t expect to be the one there when she did. He frowned and tucked his hand in the crook of his elbow as he held a considering fingertip across his lips.  
  
     “You knew!!!” She screamed at him coming out from around the desk. Her inner banshee was coming out loud and proud and he half wanted to ask her if she was really from Ireland. A second look confirmed his suspicion that she could not take a joke at the present moment.  
  
     “Well…” He grimaced. “Yes.” He cringed as her voice went up another three octaves at least. He thought that if his eardrums exploded then at least he wouldn’t have to hear her.  
  
     “You’ve… Known!!!” Emily began and abruptly stopped.  
  
     The air temperature shifted down slightly and it was deathly silent. Emily’s eyes shifted to somewhere behind him and he turned to follow her gaze. Nigel felt his heart beat push the blood sluggishly and loudly through his veins in the second it took for banshee Emily to lock eyes with the devil that they were speaking of. Had he any inkling just how off her rocker Emily was, then he would have lunged for her. As it was he had no idea what she was going to say and heard it loud and clear from his precarious position between the two women.  
  
     “You’re sleeping with the enemy?!?” Emily uncontrollably accused. As quickly as the words came out of her mouth Emily covered her mouth with her hand in shock.  
  
     Miranda just threw her coat and bag on Two’s desk and walked through Nigel like a knife though butter.  
  
     “Andrea is my lover, not the enemy.” There was a pause as she stalked three steps closer to Emily. “You would do to remember that or replace yourself immediately.” Her look was positively glacial. “Now. Patrick.”  
  
     Emily promptly fainted.  
  
     Nigel giggled.  
  
     Miranda stepped over her to get to her desk. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. “She knows.” Miranda said and hung up.   
  
     Nigel and Miranda shared an amused look from across the office. “I’ll take care of it.” He said smugly indicating the prone woman with a nod of his head.  
  
     “See that you do.” Miranda smirked. “I have Patrick.” Nigel hadn’t heard the sound in quite a long time, but Miranda let out a small bark of laughter as she turned to dial Patrick. Chuckling to himself, Nigel made haste to the kitchenette where there was a stash of Emily Revival cheese cubes. Incidentally the stash of fattening dairy deliciousness had been thought up by the very woman she had only minutes before called ‘enemy’. Nigel had kept the custom after she left since it really was a stroke of genius on the brunette’s part. Nigel loved the irony of the moment more than he thought he should.  
  
***   
  
     “She knows!?” Andy spoke aloud to the packed subway train. Her brown eyes were wide but she was actually seeing very little except for the images her mind was providing. The only sound that greeted her was the silence of another Priestly hang-up. Andy paused to consider all of the horrible ways that Emily would be planning to kill her.  
  
     ‘Poisoning my morning donut?’ Andy shook her head—Emily wouldn’t touch carbs without gloves and she would refuse to wear the rubber gloves needed to keep her hands carb-contamination free. Saturday morning cartoons crept into her head as she thought of Emily in rubber gloves. This led to inevitably imagining various cartoon vengeance schemes, which she could not shake from her mind once they started. ‘Dropping an anvil on my head from a skyscraper?’ Andy seriously considered this one. Skyscrapers grew like weeds in NYC and Andy was about town all the time. Then she considered that Emily would have to know her schedule not Miranda’s and decided it was rather unlikely. The invisible chain keeping Emily close to Miranda represented a certain amount of safety and Andy took solace from that fact. All the same, she was glad that she was on the subway and safe for the time being. ‘Blasting me into space from a large cannon?’ Andy thought that Emily would rather get off on that idea—not only blasting her off into oblivion, but having control of a big rocket. However, Andy snickered with relief. Cannons were most certainly illegal in NYC and Emily would be deported or jailed. Andy knew that the red head's love of Miranda, Runway and fashion would not let her do anything to jeopardize that. She also knew that Emily in an orange prison jumpsuit would mean the end of the world, so she would definitely not be doing that.  
  
     Then again… Those were all possible and Andy would put nothing past the psychotic determined British chippy.  
  
     The next day when Andy discussed her concerns with Miranda over breakfast, she had simply received the infamous Priestly Eye roll. “Don’t be ridiculous Andrea!” Miranda had spat.  
  
     ‘Ridiculous? Ridiculous?!’ Andy choked on her morning Earl Grey. Miranda was clearly oblivious to a certain first assistant’s feelings towards her?! She felt a little silly for trotting out the rather common phrase but it seemed to fit so she laid it out there. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Miranda.” Andrea fixed her lover with a piercing look, but was only greeted with calm ignorance of the severity of the situation. Sucking in a breath of air as she realized that she was going to have to solve the Emily issue on her own Andrea decided that she would be sleeping with one eye open from now on. She didn’t want to just let it go, so she tried one last time to get Miranda understand just how serious she was about Emily. “Let me count the ways in which Emily could poison me, Miranda.”  
  
     “Oh, please.” Miranda scoffed taking a sip of her first coffee of the day.  
  
     Andrea stared at the mug in Miranda’s hand and then took a look in her own mug as she set it down suspiciously. “Miranda. I don’t think you understand Emily.” Andrea pleaded.  
  
     Fixing her with a look Miranda sighed. “Oh. Andrea. Why so serious?”

 

  
  
_**THE END** _


End file.
